Alain Johns

There was nothing if not work. The streets had to be cleaned, the water purified, wounds (emotional and physical alike) had to be assessed. For Nariko in particular there was an entire stack of proposals that demanded her attention, meetings to sit and argue through, it was a laundry list of tasks that felt meaningless by themselves but built into a greater picture. What she asked of Alain was along the same vein but his purpose was easier to see, it’s effect more immediately utilized. The Kyrati people warmed to Alain’s quiet but serious nature very easily, his moments of kindness were heralded as the shining example of their own judgements - Gunslingers might be killers but they weren’t completely inhuman, maybe they weren't the monsters they had been told to fear in the dark! To her own it was something of a miraculous realization.

As she opened the door to her office and he gave her the news she could only hope that his progress was enough. She had doubted that Roland would actually come back to her and pushing off the idea hadn’t done her any favors. She stared at Alain as if he’d grown a second, unattractive head, her mouth opened to speak but nothing came out for a solid ten seconds before it snapped shut again.

“Oh.” Alright, then. She should have been much more prepared for this but frankly it had been easier to fret over getting the well clean than think about her own husband. “You should go meet them, the guard’s will be less suspicious if you're there and I need to set up their rooms.”

An incredibly polite, almost stiffly formal way of saying: I’m too nervous to deal with Roland Deschain right now, go stall for me. Not that it truly mattered, if Roland was here then she couldn't hope to avoid him, and twenty extra minutes of solitude wasn't going to prepare her anymore than the previous weeks had.

From:

atouchofka

Alain nodded, raking his fingers back through his hair, and turned away again without any further questions. It would be good to say that was because he had no need of answers, because he understood what was going through her mind, and to an extent he did, but truthfully, it was more that he'd simply missed his ka-mates, and was all too glad to hurry out to meet them.

By the time he reached the front gates again, the gunslingers were far closer - close enough that they had gone from a vague shadow to visible silhouettes. More of them than he'd thought; more than he'd dared to hope. He'd expected them to come with even fewer men, if they survived this far at all, but it seemed like their little party had actually grown. Feeling his heart lift a little at the realisation, Alain set out across the plains towards them.

Roland saw him first, of course, but it was Bert who hailed him, sticking two fingers in his mouth and whistling - as if there was any need to draw Alain's attention. "You remember Al, aye?" he said over his shoulder, to the two girls riding on the horse he was leading. "He's the nice one."

From:

“Shit, we’re gonna die.”

The girls could nod along all they wanted but Eunyce was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, one that had only seemed to intensify the farther they traveled. “We’re so fucking dead, Ignis, we should have just stayed with Tyrann, why did I let you convince me to come back here!” The younger cousin shot the elder a horrid look, and he only shrugged.

“This is our home, Eunyce, for better or worse it’s where we belong.” Ignis had repeated the same idea over the course of the past four days, always calm, with a measure of understanding. Kyrat’s body formed an outline, a final end to their long journey, but he remained eerily serene, as if he couldn’t imagine taking any comfort from his own sentiments. “You have to trust our cousin to make everything right, as much as it can be.” In that he seemed to place a genuine bit of confidence but Eunyce was hardly moved.

“Mmhm, yes, our resident bitch in charge, who I have yet to see. You remember that if one is whipped viciously enough you don’t want to move for weeks, right? For all we know she’s laid up and let the place go to further shit than it was when we left!”

“Shut up!” Kaine finally interjected, in part to save the girls some fear, but simply because their endless chattering about the whole matter was beginning to drive her mad. She chose to ignore that Eunyce was right, that it was a bit odd Nariko wasn't there to immediately greet them - but maybe she was just busy. “You’re going to scare the kids! And furthermore, I don’t think Alain would be walking out to meet us if it was really that bad. Stop being negative for ten whole minutes, Eunyce, I promise it’ll do you a world of good.”

Said woman grumbled her fears, but even Eunyce couldn’t retain her dour mood when a blur, only recognized by a mop of blond hair, shot past Alain. “ROLAND!” Nathan moved with all the gangly excitement of a boy his age, boundless and grinning stupidly, when it was a somewhat feasible act he launched himself at the gunslinger whether he liked it or not. Kaine mentally prayed for his safety, and that he didn't break his arm smacking into the hard earth.

From:

Roland wasn't expecting Nathan, but he had a gunslinger's reflexes; he caught the boy easily, sweeping him up instinctively and actually laughing a little, low and coarse in his throat. That surprised even him - he had barely smiled, let alone laughed, on most of this journey, and it felt almost foreign.

"One day," he commented, setting Nathan on his feet again and ruffling his hair, "you'll hurt yourself doing that."

"Probably stab yourself on his elbows," Bert put in, with a smirk. "Gods only know they're bony enough." Passing the reins back to Emily, he winked. "Al, if I jump on you that way, will you catch me too?" Without waiting for an answer, he did just that, launching himself at his friend with arms and legs both - Alain let out a little oof! and stumbled back a half-step, but did catch him and didn't even push him away for a moment. "We missed you, Al. I'm not cut out for this whole Roland-management business." Then, disentangling his legs from Alain's waist (the girls were giggling at his silliness, which was gratifying) "No Nariko?"

Alain shrugged, looking at Roland rather than Bert as he answered. "She's back in the city. It's been busy." A moment's hesitation. "...There's a lot to tell."

From:

"Tons," Nathan added while he took one of Roland's hands for his own, and didn't seem intent on letting go even as they neared the city gates, and the guards in their towers. Ignis raised a hand in greeting, that and Alain's general presence meant that they would pass unbothered. "The water was poisoned and the bad sorcerer came, a lot of people died, and Dito was a pervert." Before Kaine could get her own words out, Nathan added: "I smacked him for it."

"Good," Kaine grumbled, but otherwise continued to tread on, she gave Alain a smile but otherwise left him alone - he was probably more concerned with Bert and Roland, so she didn't feel a need to get in the way. "Nothing else happened, right?"

To her was the unspoken component there, but much to Kaine's relief Nathan shook his head. "Nope! Just a lot of boring meetings and arguing!"

As Alain was more than well aware of now, Kyrat was far from a quiet city. It hummed with activity even late into the night, but you'd never guess it as they made their way in. The gunslingers arrival was like a wave of cautious, jittery silence that fell over every citizen when they looked in the group's direction.

"Don't mind them," Kaine chirped, "They'll get used to it."

That there was none of the clear outrage or immediate fear was probably all thanks to Alain, so - Small mercies.]

From:

atouchofka

Alain walked at the front of the little group, between Roland and Bert. It made it easier for him to be seen, for him to smile and greet the citizens familiarly, to make all his work integrating himself worthwhile. Smiling was easy. Even seeing the sorry state of his brethren - the blind man slumped in the saddle, the limping and crippled and mutilated - it raised his spirits no end to see them at all.

"I've been in some of the meetings," he told Roland, as they walked. "Nariko can report on them clearer than I can, I'm sure, but little of it seemed to be our concern, if you'd have the truth of it."

"I can't say I'm surprised," Roland remarked. He looked distant, though, and his smile had faded into thin-lipped severity. "Though I'd know more of this poisoning, and this sorcerer. Is it...?"

"Aye," Alain said quietly, before Roland had even finished asking, and pretended not to see how the colour drained from his dinh's face. "Aye. It was him."

From:

"Nathan," The boy looked at Kaine, who was off to one side of Bert, and trailing behind a step or two with the girls nearby. "Was Alain there for every meeting with Farrim and Aja?"

"No, sometimes they all met really late at night. That was usually when the arguing happened."

Kaine raised her arms as if exasperated but left it at that while Nathan continued to walk. If he knew that he had done something worthy of any real concern then he kept it to himself. "Did you hear what it was about?"

"I'm not supposed to say."

Kaine paused, biting her lower lip and then pursuing it from a different angle: "But you could tell Roland."

Nathan stopped, then, and was only saved from a trampling because the horse that held Emily and Alice was intelligent enough. "I'm not saying anything to or in front of you! I already have to run four miles because I skipped etiquette class yesterday!"

Her eyes rolled as they neared the castle, "I guess that's one way to keep your cards close to your chest."

From:

atouchofka

"It's no bad thing," Roland said mildly. "He knows how to keep his lip buttoned. That's a damned sight better than a lot of men twice his age." He looked back at Kaine. There might have been some sympathy in his look, but with Roland, how could you ever tell? "It's kept this long. It'll keep a few minutes longer, till you can ask Nariko herself."

Bert snorted. "That'll teach you to try and make Ro' helpful," he told Kaine cheerfully, and winked. Silliness was easier for him to come by, since they'd found the kids, and even more since they'd got within sight of Kyrat. To Nathan, he added, "Four miles is nothing. I once had to run twelve for missing my etiquette class."

"You had to run twelve miles," Alain corrected him dryly, "because you broke into the wine cellar and then wouldn't get out of bed for two days." He elbowed Bert, shaking his head and smiling, then looked back up at Kaine, his smile fading again. "If I had to guess, it's been less bad than Nariko expected. She's not been hurt, for one thing."

From:

Kaine rolled her eyes at them both but she had no choice but to agree, she was fretting despite how close they were to the answers. Another hour or so wouldn't kill her anymore than the damn month it had taken them to come back. Nathan, meanwhile, looked horrified when Alain mentioned a wine cellar, and directed the expression to Bert. "Why did you go in there? Wine is awful!"

Off to the side of him Kaine gave Alain a grateful, if somewhat nervous kind of smile. "I'm glad to hear it, I really was worried that they would pull something dramatic. Now I look forward to hearing how it was avoided."

But they wouldn't have much time to go on discussing it. Waiting for them at the entrance to the compound was a relatively young man, only a few years older than Alain. He had messy brown hair and a tanned quality to his skin, but he was far too fair skinned to be a Kyrati. When they were within a reasonable distance he waved at them, "Your the gunslingers, right?" Not that he needed an answer so much as opened with a question.

"I'm Dito, and I’ve been tasked with showing all you lovely folks to your rooms. With the exception of Kaine, who has some talking to do in the office, want me to drop your stuff at your room? Kaine stepped forward to hand him her pack but kept her sword in place, and then she pointed to Bert. "He might be staying with me, just so you know. I think he and Roland are supposed to be coming with me.”

Dito's green eyes widened in a mild sort of confusion, as if the idea was somewhat unheard of. "But he's a gunslinger. And I don't see anyone else that can be described 'irritatingly pretty' so I'm gonna say that's the one that isn't particularly liked."

Kaine had to control herself to keep from laughing, and she barely choked out: "It's fine. She can yell at me if it's really that big of a deal." It was horribly clear that the man was confused but he shrugged and went along with it. If they let him, he would direct the wounded gunslingers to follow him as if separating was an expected goal. For what it may have been worth Ignis and Eunyce would follow while Kaine lead the rest of them towards the compound’s office.

Edited Date: 2016-04-23 11:11 pm (UTC)

From:

askthelookout

"Did she really say that about me?" Bert batted his long, dark eyelashes, putting his hand to his heart. "You hear that, everyone? I'm irritatingly pretty!"

"Irritating, certainly," Roland muttered under his breath, and shook his head, following Kaine.

Bert stuck his tongue out, turned back to ruffle the girls' hair and send them off after Dito with his pack, then jogged after the others.

From:

There were far less people crowded into the circular halls, and those that went about their various jobs didn't pay as much mind to the gunslingers. Kaine, however, received more than a few greetings and some batted lashes aimed in her direction. She brushed it all off politely and never stopped moving, in fact as time went on she seemed to walk much faster until they made it to the correct office.

Kaine didn't knock despite the sound of voices from behind the door, she waltzed right in and threw three different sets of gold eyes in her direction. Nariko was one of them, of course, standing behind her desk, hair unbound. The other occupant was seated, one with such incredibly dark skin that she almost appeared inhuman, and the equally black hair didn't help. She blinked at their entrance and then immediately turned back to Nariko. "If we don't go after Vidalia now she's going to come back and slit our throats! We don't have time to be concerned with New Canaan! It does us no good to focus on it! My Lady, you can't possibly expect -"

"Aja." Nariko interrupted, "We can discuss this later, alright? For now concern yourself with the Nursery and strengthening the borders. Losing your mind over it won't make us anymore or less prepared, so spare your nerves."

The other woman visibly deflated as if she had wasted all the words in her, but nodded rather obediently and stood to leave. When she passed them, only Alain was idly acknowledged but otherwise she seemed just as happy to exit as Nariko was to see her leave.

"Busy, huh?" With the last distraction out of the way Kaine took the first hug, squeezing tightly.

"When am I not?" Nariko squeezed back, "Welcome home, Kaine." And when they parted she managed a polite enough smile for Bert, and a slightly wider one for Roland. "I'm glad you're both alright." Whatever nerves she felt were knocked out of place when Kaine kissed her cheek and then occupied the armchair that Aja had been in a while ago. There were four others, so no one would be lacking in the seat department.

"So, what happened?"

From:

Roland waited for Kaine and Nariko to part before he moved in himself, pulling Nariko into a hug of his own - one rather tighter and more fervent than she might have expected - and kissing her cheek before stepping away. "It's good to see you," he said, with a little nod, not smiling.

Bert nodded his agreement. He wasn't about to go for a hug, but he was glad to see her in one piece - for Kaine's sake and Roland's, as much as for hers. He settled for tapping his throat in due salute, before draping himself into one of the other chairs and kicking his feet up onto the arm. Alain settled, more sedately, in the seat on Kaine's other side, but Roland remained standing.

"We found a few of your kin," he said after a moment's consideration, "and a few of ours. Though not so many of ours as I would have liked. Two gunslingers who'll never draw a gun again." His expression, always dour and stony, only changed a little, but it was enough to make his grief surprisingly clear. "We buried two more. Stayed ahead of Farson, for the most part, but it was nearer than I'd like. There's no going back there." He frowned, looking back at the door Aja had left through. "Nothing to be concerned with there, not any more. It's just more of Farson's territory, now."

If you didn't listen too closely, or look too hard, you might almost think that was as easy for him to say as he was trying to pretend.

From:

Yes, it was far more than she had expected, so she barely had time to get over the initial shock and enjoy the contact in the first place. It was a shame, of course, but Nariko let him go even though every nerve in her body asked her not to. Life was cruel that way, and full of various issues they needed to go over. As Bert and Alain sat Nariko did the same, smoothing out her dress before settling into the same chair she’d been stuck in for weeks now.

She listened to Roland with an leveled expression, and the only indication that she might not believe his final line was a minute downturn of her own gaze. Kaine, similarly, rubbed the back of her neck and spoke up.

“Tyrann and Yonah are alive at Castle Black. From the way he tells it things are still a mess but they’re getting by well enough. I think the biggest thing there is just making sure they actually have a shot at defending themselves. Yahewa didn’t run off, thank goodness, but that’s one man to however many might raid the place. You know how much I hate to admit it when Roland is right, but he is - keeping that whole territory is going to be more than a little difficult.”

Nariko shook her head while she leaned onto her desk a bit. “Castle Black is full of our people and I won’t give up on them. Besides, I already sent the third group out their way. They only need to hold it together for another week or so, and then another two after that.”

Kaine shrugged, though whether she felt doubtful versus moderately exasperated was up for debate. Nariko finally turned her gaze to Roland and asked, “Are the remaining gunslingers planning on staying here? They’re welcome to it, of course, but it would change how I handle certain matters.” So if that was the case knowing ahead of time would save them all a good deal of suffering.

From:

"We hadn't planned that far," Roland said honestly, and shrugged. He never had been one for planning much in advance, especially not when it had seemed so uncertain that any of them would live long enough to see Kyrat at all. "Some will want to stick with us. This is the closest thing to family any of them have left. Others..." Another shrug. "It's miracle enough they made it this far. If they leave with us, they'll die quickly and put us all at risk while they live."

Again, that matter-of-fact tone, those cool bombardier's eyes barely flinching and certainly not filling with tears, as though stony-faced acceptance made it any more palatable.

"It's best for them to stay here, anyroad," he continued after a moment, when he trusted himself to. "They can look after Bert's girls, too."

"The hell they can!" Bert burst out, and was halfway out of his chair before Roland's look quelled him. He still looked thoroughly scandalised, though.

From:

"You want them to run around every corner of the world, then? With no training, no understanding, forced to watch you end up in life-threatening situations over and over again? Don't further traumatize them just because it'll hurt to leave them behind."

Nariko wasn't devoid of sympathy but she wasn't softening the idea either, but he might find some understanding if he looked at her hard enough. It wasn't as though she couldn't relate. "Cuthbert, they'll have a home here, a life. They can be whatever they want, they'll be safe, receive an education, be with children their own age, what else could you want for them?"

She let the sentiment hang there and decided to drop it. He didn't need her to point out the obvious, she could give Bert that much. "For now, it seems reasonable to say that you'll all be staying here for a good while. You're tired and worn down, and we might have our own problems but this is as safe a place as anyone can expect right about now. It'll be safer, still, when I get the illusory mirror back up."

From:

askthelookout

Bert dropped back into his chair, looking thunderous but not arguing. She was right, and he knew it. He knew, too, that he was being selfish, and unfair, and all the rest of it. Still, part of him wanted to whine But I just found them again! and refuse to listen to reason.

He was immature sometimes, and silly often, but he wasn't dumb enough to give in to that part. It was obvious what was going to happen. They couldn't come with Roland, and he couldn't not. That didn't mean he had to like it. The petulance in his voice was clear when he spoke again: "You're saying it's a safe place like Marten wasn't just here."

"Bert." There was a clear warning in Roland's voice.

Bert ignored it. "If he's been here even once, it's not a safe place. You kennit, Ro', better than anyone."

From:

Without a single change in her expression Nariko looked to Kaine and simply asked, "Are you going to be able to handle this? If you can't, then I'll make Dito my guard."

Jealousy flashed over Kaine's features like a thunderstorm but it quickly settled back into mortified frustration. When she answered the words were choked and upset, but resigned all the same. "... If I have to, then I will."

"Good. Now that we've cleared that up I'll settle another issue: If you continue to run your mouth and as a result breed fear in the people in this city then I'll throw you out of it quicker than you can blink, Cuthbert Allgood. If that means Alain leaves, if it means that Kaine can't do as she's ordered and goes out with you, and Roland chooses to follow you then so be it. My duty is to my people, and I failed them once by choosing to stay in Gilead when I knew that Walter would be coming here. If I screw up again it won't be because of your constant inability to hold your tongue. The Kyrati fear the gunslingers, not some ghost of a monster they barely know, and I would greatly prefer that you didn't validate all of their fears, and all of the nightmares that Farrim has put into their head about the lot of you."

Her tone was nothing short of freezing, and even though none of it was directed her way Kaine kept her eyes to the floor, unable - rather, unwilling - to face the steel in her friend's usually warm eyes.

"If there's nothing else, then you should go to your rooms and relax, or explore the city."

From:

askthelookout

Bert met her eyes, steel or no steel. When you'd grown up facing off against first Cort and then Roland, it took more than a glare to throw you off. There was some shame in his face, but it was washed out by stubbornness, and by the anger in the set of his mouth. That same anger burnt in his amber eyes, hot as hers was cold, and for once there wasn't even the pretence of a smile in him.

"I can hold my tongue," he said, his voice as hard as the line of his mouth. "Not doing it on command doesn't make an inability, sai Lunae." Not Deschain, but Lunae. All of a sudden he had Roland glaring at him, as well. Still, he didn't back down, getting to his feet and sticking his thumbs in his belt. "But it seems to me, if I need to hold my tongue more, you need to loosen yours. If you knew Walter was coming here, we should have been here to meet him with a bullet in the skull. And if you'd spoken to your people, maybe they'd know a little better what to be afraid of." He shook his hair back, his eyes still fixed on her. "Don't worry. That's all the flapping my tongue'll do on the subject."

He turned to leave, his heart thundering loudly in his ears, his fists clenching for a moment at his sides.

From:

Nariko didn't stop him, and neither did Kaine. The former remained as barren and approachable as ice while Kaine looked ready to break out into upset tears.

"Kaine," When Nariko finally spoke there was the smallest catch in her voice, the only sign that her eerily blank expression was only a front. "You should go, too."

"And what am I supposed to say to him?!"

Nariko shook her head, "I didn't say go and speak with him, just take a walk. You won't do yourself any good sitting here being upset about the whole thing. I don't think he'll do anything more than fume, but ask Aja to keep tabs on him. If he starts wandering around without a thought it'll be harder for Roland and Alain to find him later, alright? Just leave it at that and take a breather, you've earned it." Kaine remained in her seat, gathering herself. When she could reliably get up she nodded and without looking at anyone, and left the room in the same stony quiet that Bert apparently had. When she was gone Nariko sighed, and it seemed to drain the remaining air from her body. She rested her head in one hand, half-bent over her desk.

"If the two of you are going to rip apart every little thing I say then please just warn me now." She'd consider it an incredibly grand favor at this point.

From:

"I didn't plan on it." Roland stood where he was a moment longer, looking at her, then sat down in Bert's abandoned chair, his long legs stretched out in front of him. "Though Cuthbert might have been out of line, but he wasn't wrong. I'd have liked to know if you thought Marten was coming here." He pressed his lips tight for a moment, his eyes sliding sidelong to Alain for a moment, then shrugged. "It's been said, though, and I won't say it again. I doubt he will, either."

There was a certain edge to his voice that said that Bert would regret it if he did. It was true, though, that he didn't think that would happen. He knew Bert better than that, and he didn't think Bert was about to run his mouth off to anyone he wasn't sure he could trust. Not even when he was as angry as this. If nothing else, Hambry had taught them more discretion than that.

He let the silence last a moment, folding his hands in front of his face and watching her closely. Then, a little more gently, he said, "Should we let you be a while?"

From:

"No, it won't help anything." She took a deep breathe before sitting up properly, regaining enough of her composure to appear somewhat convincingly natural. Of course both Roland and Alain were far too perceptive, and she was more than sure they had an idea of how upset she was, but the act was for herself, not them. "My father is buried in Gilead. The morning Claude arrived there I had gone to visit him. My mother was there and taunted me with the idea that Marten would end the Lunaes in their entirety because I chose Gilead over them. It was just as likely to be one of her games as it was a truth. That excuse of a woman was always very good at baiting people."

Nariko looked briefly at Alain before her gaze switched back to Roland, "And, yes, we did lose far more people than we would have if my half of the Guardians had been here. But Yahewa, Nadia, and Addeus arrived in time to warn everyone and evacuate them into the compound. It makes me sick to measure it this way, but we lost one hundred and fifty-eight when the numbers could have been into the thousands. Yahewa hasn't woken, and there's a fair chance that he won't make it, but it isn't as if -"

As if she hadn't cared for them. As if she hadn't wanted to tell someone and share the weight of the decision. But less than six hours later Claude had arrived, and then she had died. Time wasn't a bountiful resource for their group.

"The very first Concordance of Kyrati High Caste marriage states that a wife's first designation is to her husband. I've barely forced them to accept that our union occurred at all and was perfectly just and not under duress. If I'd abandoned my husband they would have greater fuel for an annulment, and even more reason to try and turn all of you out of Kyrat in the first place. So I would have loved to send the entire Guardian force here when I knew Martin might be coming to happily slaughter my home. But I also needed witnesses to act as proof of my marriage so that it wasn't annulled the moment I came back, so that they had no logical basis to harm a single gunslinger that passed into our walls."

She waved a hand as if her own explanation was irrelevant. "But that's only the background. I apologize for not mentioning it. I didn't keep it from anyone out of malice or distrust. I was just a little preoccupied with dying a little while later." It was an incredibly morbid, horrible joke for her to make, but by now it was the only way she could cope with the fact.

Edited (And then I edit five thousand times yeesh) Date: 2016-05-08 06:38 pm (UTC)

From:

Roland frowned, his pale eyes fixed unblinkingly on her as she spoke. His expression didn't change at her joke, but that wasn't because he disapproved of it; rather, he was too busy thinking to respond, the wheels in his head grinding along in their slow, exact way.

When she'd finished, the silence stretched on for most of a minute. Alain didn't break it, although he looked as though he would have liked to say something: he knew his dinh well enough to know that Roland needed time to process. There was a lot to process, a lot that had been stirred back up in both their minds. Nariko's death, and the losses they'd all suffered, and all the rage and grief that followed Marten like a miasma. Roland knew from first-hand experience, too, just how hard that kind of decision was, and how it lingered. So Alain was loath to be the one to break the silence, and whatever steady processing was going on behind Roland's flat blue eyes.

At last, without any warning or preamble, Roland rose to his feet, crossed the room in a few long strides, and put his arms around her.

"I kennit," he said, and the flatness of his voice was, in itself, some indication of how much he was struggling to manage the conflicting emotions inside him. He sighed, and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "Aye. Kennit very well. Might say I wished I didn't, but wish in one hand, shit in the other, as they say..."

From:

It was so easy to enjoy his arms around her. In that moment it felt incredibly stupid to have been worried about what might happen if and when they were alone. Nariko couldn’t remember why she had become so terrified of intimacy with her own husband, if it was that she feared rejection or feared the sensations that came with needing him. For just a little while, some handfuls of seconds or maybe another full minute, Nariko didn’t feel any shame or humiliation for loving Roland or falling into his arms like a useless sack of limbs.

But a lack of shame didn’t make it any more or less right, so for as much as she wanted to hold onto him for hours like a desperate burr, Nariko did her best to reign in her own loneliness and upset. She righted herself and pulled away just enough, but she couldn’t bring herself to separate entirely.

“Thank you.” It was the wrong response, it didn’t begin to encapsulate her feelings or even what she needed to tell the man that was supposedly her husband. It was just all that could fit in the moment, and just those two words showed off how terribly thick and warbled her voice had become in just a few seconds.

“… Nothing and nowhere is safe, but for as much as certain people disagree with my position and even our marriage, no one will hurt you. It’s not enough, and cry pardon for that, but I’m afraid a relatively secure position and a lot of food is about all I can offer.” She snorted then, looking like herself for a split moment. “And parties. There’s going to be a few parties, too.”

Edited Date: 2016-05-22 01:53 am (UTC)

From:

"Oh. Good." There was a dry, sarcastic sort of humour in his voice. From his place behind them, Alain let out a little snort that might have been a laugh. None of them, obviously, were in much of a party mood.

The corner of Roland's mouth twitched, just briefly. He hadn't let go of Nariko, although his grip had loosened and his arms now draped gently around her shoulders. He didn't really want to pull away, any more than she did. It wasn't something he felt the need to say out loud, but it felt right to be able to put his arms around her again, to have that closeness after the last few weeks. He needed it every bit as much as she did, in short.

"We'll make do. We've made do with less before. Security's more than we've had," he pointed out at last, and shook his head. "Truth be told, food's not been in great plenty either. And you're here, which is all I could ask." He said it in the same matter-of-fact tone as he'd talked about security and food, so it was easy to miss the fact that it was as genuine a declaration of love as you could ever get from him. And just as casually as it was dropped in, he moved on. "Will you show me the city, or should I get Alain to tour me?"

From: